he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
