I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
