I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize