I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
