I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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