dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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