Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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