why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
