I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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