Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
