none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
