it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
