u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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