never play flip cup with pint glasses
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
