It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
