I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
