God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
