are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
