one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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