It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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