Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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