Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
