Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this hospital has no fireball
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
