Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
