I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
