Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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