i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
