I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize