I can tuck mytits in my pants
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize