If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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