i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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