Christians are straight up FREAKS
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
