I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dicks are not precious.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
