pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
