Christians are straight up FREAKS
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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