Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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