Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
