is your mom at the bar?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
