Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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