I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
