Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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