drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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