its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
