I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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