Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
