I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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