i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
