and you said cock pushups were impossible
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
