This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you never un-have a 4some
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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