i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
