I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
