Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
