my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
