the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize