I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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