I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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