I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
