Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize