im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
