My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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