My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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