it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize