if you like me you must not know who I am
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
