it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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