he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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