history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
