Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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