could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
