you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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