Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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