my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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